My life has changed in such a rapid succession that, even though it has been a full year, I still feel dizzy with the rush.
And even though I’ve been happier this year than I have been in a very, very long time, I feel very odd today.
For once, I don’t want to be completely honest.
I’m going to rant and rave about how I’m feeling, but you won’t know why. I don’t feel like sharing.
There are secret things, deep feelings and understated nuances that I choose to keep close to me right now.
Every time I start to feel bad, I begin this awful downward spiral into feeling absolutely horrible. And it gets worse each time it happens.
This scares me more than I could ever put into words.
It’s a strange world we live in, and I’m never going to understand it. Sometimes I’m not quite sure I want to be a part of it.
It’s this strange uncertainty that drives me to such high levels of stress and anxiety. Which also makes me occasionally miss those chapters in my life when things were typically dictated for me.
Once again I am beginning to feel as if I can’t handle the world. And that because I can’t, I’m going to be mauled by the very inherent savagery I thought I had come to admire.
Everything is fragile. The love I feel for him, for my friend, for my few family members. The certainty I or someone else will live to see another day. That is especially delicate.
I know tomorrow is going to be fine.
Most likely the next day will be fine as well.