But I, being poor, have only my dreams…

“At the cost of the dizzying highs of human emotion, we have suppressed its abysmal lows. And you, as a society, have embraced this cure.”

Oh, god. The mere idea frightens me.

I would be one of the first to take up arms against such a monstrous distortion of humanity.

———————–

Ah, to be alive and in love. To be alive and be loved in return.

———————–

I don’t want to get all flowery.

———————–

Each of us has a different belief of what is worth living, or dying, for.

But very few of us would be able to keep such beliefs if properly threatened.

And very few of us will ever be tested.

I would love to say I would be steadfast, that I would not betray my beliefs, my love, my heart, for my own hide.

“Everything that makes us who we are, traded away.”

Because ideals are things to strive for, to cherish and uphold.

Plato is messing with my mind tonight.

“A heavy cost, and I pay it gladly.”

I’ll never know if I am a righteous person. Most likely I will never have to prove it. However, it bothers me that I will never really have the opportunity to test myself. I try to live by treating most people right. I may say I don’t like children, and sure, they annoy the hell out of me, but I don’t think, and I hope, I haven’t seriously wished death or some other terrible tragedy upon another person. I don’t ever really mean it, and I wrestle with the thought that even mere play means I’m a bad person.

And yet I do it anyway. Weak.

I don’t think I am a very sensitive person. Sometimes I fear I am missing out on an entirely new level of feeling because I don’t allow myself to experience things fully.

I want to be overwhelmed by beauty. I want to be struck dumb by the brilliance of a starry sky, or the rising of the sun.

I want to be able to feel without worry, without constraints. Without consequence.

————————–

“Why are you alive?”

I don’t want to live a circular existence. I don’t want to do things to get to Point A, to get to Point B, to end up at Point C. I don’t want to exist if it is merely to reproduce and continue the human species. We are not mere animals. We know pain and sorrow. We know beauty. We know love.

————————–

“I exist to feel. It is as vital as breath. Without it, without love, without anger, without sorrow, life is just a clock, ticking.”

You make life worth living. By merely existing, by having relationships, by loving, and sacrificing, you make life worth the daily battle.

————————–

I do not understand why I have lately been so preoccupied by these sorts of things.

Perhaps it is because I am searching for meaning, for a purpose I would truly want to live for.

I have been lacking motivation for the things I know I ought to be doing.

These days, the last thing on my mind is suicide. There is so much to live for, but I truly do feel bogged down by societal constraints.

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