Must remember not to invent people in their absence.

Curse my paranoia.

Tony told me just to relax.

I’m trying.

But despite how easy it sounds, this sort of trust is very different. My friends won’t desert me; for some reason I never worry about that.

It is a certainty that they will always be my friends and will be there when it counts. No fears. No worries there.

And because of this certainty it doesn’t feel like I have to put myself out on a limb, as it were. I don’t have much to lose. There isn’t much at stake, because my feeling of security is unshakable.

But this. Oh, my.

I kind of feel panicky inside sometimes because I’m afraid to give all of myself, lest I be duped and betrayed again.

Another chink in my heart is something I definitely could do without.

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