Terrible inklings.


Mare just reminded me of a dream I had a few months ago, one that was at once both extremely amusing and also terribly frightening.

Mare: yeah, i can just see that dream of yours becoming reality
ooopinchme: dream???
ooopinchme: haha
Mare: everyone in the hospital waiting room.. LAUGHING
ooopinchme: oh god
ooopinchme: yeah
ooopinchme: “she said she’d never have a kid”
Mare: haha
Mare: mhmm
Mare: and we just hear you repeatedly yelling at David
ooopinchme: haha
Mare: well, when he gets there.. if i remember correctly he wasn’t there in your dream.. he was at work
Mare: hahahaha
ooopinchme: yeah
ooopinchme: hahaha
ooopinchme: jack ass
Mare: haha
Mare: that’ll be fun..
ooopinchme: for you
Mare: YEUP!
ooopinchme: meh
Mare: i’ll be the one on the phone with david..
Mare: “uhh.. hey, david.. where are you? yeah.. jaena’s going into labor… like NOW”
Mare: ha ha

This dream was sort of a fast-forwarding, I’d say, 5-10 years in the future. Apparently I’d gone into labor and was already at the hospital wondering where the flying fuck was Saunders. Gag. And all of my friends were in the waiting room, laughing their asses off because I was the one who was always saying “I’m never having kids, no way” when I was younger. Saunders was working and no one could get in touch with him.

Nightmarish, yes?

The mere idea of children, my very own, just sounds preposterous to my ears for these simple reasons:

1. I don’t believe I’d make a good mother because I don’t think I could give that much of myself to another human being.
2. I don’t really see the point in having children in this day-and-age. It wouldn’t be to carry the family name, and I don’t feel like kids are necessary to fully experience life.
3. I’m selfish. I want to live my life for me.

Granted, many of these feelings will likely disappear as I age, but I’ll hurdle those obstacles when they near.

Damn subconscious foreshadowing.