I need to get this “hermitism” under wraps.
I haven’t been outdoors for more than 10 hours this entire week. There is no motivation, although David did finally show me the WoW episode of South Park, which I found vaguely disconcerting.
I am thankful that I don’t look like these schmucks yet:
But oh, lord. Their postures are what rattled me. I know it’s a spoof but damn if it doesn’t bear some modicum of a resemblance to my own computer “etiquette.”
I lack motivation. There is no doubt in my mind that I have the ability; but skills are nothing without ambition.
I have fallen into this notion that I have no reason to rush. I am young; I have years ahead of me, barring some ridiculous illness or accident.
School does not interest me, though I do prefer it to the idea of having an actual career. Being a student is relatively easy; at least, if you have your parents helping you, as I do. Well, one parent. (Dad, you rock. You’ll never see this, but you kick ass nonetheless.)
Certain things have been thrown in my face recently. The ideas of marriage and children are driving me nuts. They aren’t coming from the people one might expect: David, my family or even my close friends. The people relatively far removed from my every day life just assume that’s a path I am looking forward to. After all, I live with my boyfriend, I’ll be graduating college shortly, and I won’t have a lot to worry about after that.
Eh? What’s that? Where the hell is a career supposed to fit in with that sort of narrow-minded thinking?
I would really prefer not to add any more responsibilities to my life. I already feel inundated with familial duties; and sometimes it feels as if my platonic responsibilities are not being properly met because I am worried about too many other things.
If you feel neglected or forgotten, drop me a line. Bite my head off. I still care.
Shit’s just got me down.