Sparks fly.

And demons always lie.

OK, Danny. Thank you for bombarding me with Marcus Aurelius quotes. The man was smart, I get it.

Danny: I was going to say
Danny: I would imagine it is easier for them to do this whole hitch hiking traveling crap back in the 40s
Danny: Than now
Danny: People are so paranoid and security-minded
Danny: Terrorists are everywhere, you’ve gotta pay your way, that sort of crap
Danny: I can’t imagine getting anywhere without money these days
Jaena: yeah
Jaena: well, i’m paranoid about rape and dismemberment
Jaena: fun things like that
Danny: If thou art pained by any external thing, it is not this that disturbs thee, but thy own judgment about it. And it is in thy power to wipe out this judgment now. -Marcus Aurelius
Danny: Hahaha
Danny: Just don’t worry about it!
Jaena: haha
Jaena: well, that’s not exactly the way i would hope to die
Jaena: remember
Jaena: heroin
Jaena: and such
Jaena: is preferred
Danny: So are we going to intentionally OD on heroin?
Jaena: semi
Danny: That seems pretty hardcore
Jaena: haha
Danny: Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time. The twining strands of fate wove both of them together: your own existence and the things that happen to you.
Danny: Don’t worry about rape or dismemberment
Danny: They’ll happen if they were meant to happen
Danny: It is your destiny
Jaena: you don’t really believe in destiny, do you/
Danny: Not exactly
Danny: But I don’t believe in “choices” either
Danny: Dunno how I’d describe it
Jaena: hum
Danny: I think I’d say
Danny: Without being 100% knowledgeable on the subject
Danny: That unless our brains work on a quantum level of uncertainty
Danny: There are only so many outcomes that are possible
Danny: When you “choose”
Danny: Then based on chemical makeup of our bodies and the electrical impulses of “thought,” we are always going to react to options in certain ways
Danny: I suppose it’s a nature/nuture thing, but I’d say that based on both your genetics and the ideals you were raised with
Danny: Your choices are never going to be surprising
Jaena: that makes sense
Jaena: but you’re right, that’s not quite destiny/fate
Jaena: it seems more like you’re a victim of circumstance though
Jaena: genetics and society
Jaena: Entirely

There was more fun stuff within that chat, but eh. I like this part best.
I flounder onward.
At the grocery store, I honestly did not know today was Saturday. I could swear it was Friday.
This week’s highlights:
– First home-cooked meal in the new apartment: teddy bear pasta!
– Painting the middle bedroom with Roxbury Caramel.
– Having Sara make us pizza while we watched “Thelma & Louise.”
Ah, well. Satisfying in a simple, homely way.
My dreams last night were bizarre. They all involved a certain person, but I can only recall bits and pieces. The strangest thing was that this person was in every bit and every piece. They weren’t romantic dreams. It felt more like my subconscious was putting on a series of plays for me, to show me all the possible outcomes of my life. The only parts that are now vivid though are the ones that involved this certain person.
When I woke up I almost felt like I was in the wrong bed.
There is a new “philosophy” being bandied about these days.
It’s about open-source thinking.
Here’s an article about it: So Open It Hurts.
It apparently originates from open-source software: the notion that programmers should share codes and ideas to create better technology that could be accessible to everyone.
Open-source thinking extends this idea far beyond the digi-world. It applies this openness to every day life, from parenting to romance.
In other words, it’s like creating a co-op for Life.
It’s a bit frightening.
In my own way, I was and I suppose still am practicing that philosophy a bit. It’s part of the reasoning behind this blog.
Another reason I write this blog is for me to practice writing.
And the final purpose is this: if I make a conscious effort to put myself out there, I don’t feel so afraid to be myself. I don’t need to fear my own thoughts and feelings, and I should never worry about what others think of me.
Somehow, being open and frank in such an impersonal venue such as this pushes me to be more like myself in all parts of life.
I can’t hide; and I’m starting to believe that hiding one’s self is never a decent thing.
Meh. It’s all so muddled. I am aware there is a danger in being transparent. And I still do so much to safeguard my soul and well-being.
My mind hasn’t been working lately. I sit down to attempt something creative/productive, and I find myself bored and uninterested.

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