Let’s just skip the next decade. I promise I’ll be content with whatever I am up to by then.
Lately I’ve just been feeling so frustrated with specific facets of my life. I am buried, and I want to shut down.
Maybe being an automaton would be wonderful. I would not know any better, although at this point that would require some intense brainwashing.
I have never been very good at accepting inevitability. By “inevitability,” I mean this disillusionment that seems to be banging on the doors and walls surrounding my heart and mind.
Preferably, my life is in my hands, therefore it should unfold as I will. I still believe in some things, but not enough to ignite those same beliefs in those around me.
I am incredibly tired. It has been so long since I have been truly excited by anything.
But perhaps I should stop corrupting reality and accept it. Buddhist thought maintains the human problem is that we believe there is something not right with life, when the reality is that we have distorted it ourselves.
I’ve spent my life trying to make the world fit me, when I should simply recognize my place as part of the whole.
Meh. I’m narcissistic. It is difficult to relinquish my ego.