Jaena Rae

Since we keep having periodic slow moments at work, I will blog.

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Or vent, as that’s a bit more precise.

My mother keeps pestering about visiting me at the end of April. She wants to stay at my apartment, but I’m not too keen on the idea. My mother tends to complain about how much money is tight, and her financial burdens basically boil down to virtually no financial help for my rent or school expenses.

Yet she’s visiting me at the end of April, and wants me to take a weekend off of work to go with her to enjoy wine-tasting in Napa.

Excuse me?

A month or so ago, she had the nerve to text me that our phone bill was too high, and that very soon my brother and I will have to pay for our own service. Apparently, she owes money to the IRS for last year and this year. I checked our phone bill; she not only uses half of the minutes on our family plan (I use a measly quarter, if that), but she hasn’t been paying the balance in full for the past year.

My phone bill is virtually the only thing she pays for these days; everything else falls to my dad. With the phone bill gone, I can’t think of anything she is actually helping me with. For god’s sake, she owes David money! Even if that agreement was between David and my mother, I still feel obligated to right it. She makes promises she cannot keep, and I will have to pay for them for the rest of my life.

I’m never going to understand how she is so oblivious. Well, strike that. She is so unmindful because ultimately she only cares about herself and her “needs.”

I try to live my life in extreme avoidance of her behavior.

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There is so much pent up anger and frustration. Whenever I attempt to talk to her, I become a blubbering preteen all over again. Part of this stems from my desire to have her love and accept me. After all, she is still my mother, and I crave her support and understanding.

However, I truly believe there is no hope for her. She will never change her ways, and she will remain the biggest let down of my life.

Meh.