Jaena Rae

My many weaknesses have been haunting me this past week. This is causing me to question so much, but really, when don’t I question things?

I don’t often give into them, but when I do, it’s usually a disaster. When I let myself, I have a white hot temper. My anger and frustration threaten to strangle all that is great about me. My normally evenhanded self is wholly eclipsed by my usually veiled fury.

Meh. I’m going to be more like Danny, except with more CARE, despite the “less care, more damn” sentiment we like to throw around.

Deep down I believe I am a very decent person. I should act on it more often.

—–

Horrible nightmare this morning. In the dream, I broke up with David to get married to Oz. The day after the wedding, I found myself sitting on Oz’s mom’s couch, waiting to shower because his little brother was in the bathroom.

I quickly realized that I’d made the worst mistake imaginable. I also realized I was dreaming, because in my waking life I would never be that stupid. So I fought the dream and woke myself up, only to find David missing. I was thoroughly discombobulated. Very ugly to wake up in the morning that way, most definitely.

Surely, I have absolutely no desire to even be in the vicinity of that boy I used to date. Perhaps these dreams serve reminders of my former life, to frighten me from ever returning to that weak-willed state of being.