I know it’s only September but I feel it’s a good time to review.

I’ve been to the Philippines, Amsterdam, Chicago, and Mexico City.

I’ve visited my hometown of Carson, CA a handful of times.

Gizmo died.

Pa died.

A coworker died.

If I’m not traveling, I’m facing Death.

It seems appropos that I should live so intensely, in the throes of emotions like elation and wonder, and grief and despair.

When I think about death, I’m not afraid. Should I die tomorrow, I feel like I’d have no regrets for how I’ve lived my life.

A mighty thing to claim at the age of 36, but I am very much content with my life right now. I know there is always more joy to be had, more trials to endure, but ultimately I feel at peace.

And I’ve worked so fucking hard for that peace. I’ve been in consistent therapy for about seven years now, and it’s paying off.

I may not have regrets, but I have many longings.

I want my grandpa back.

I want certain people back in my life, even though I’m sure that won’t ever happen.

I want to fall in love again, even though it still terrifies me.

These are things that I consider a bit improbable.

I hope I’ll see my grandpa again in the afterlife.

Those long-lost friends have moved on without me, and I wish them well.

Falling in love is a “nice-to-have” but not necessary for me to feel fulfilled.

But I’m just rambling.

Despite the hardships this year, I still feel fortunate. I’m alive, in relatively good health, and I have a wonderful support system of friends, family, and colleagues around me. If anything, my grandpa’s death has brought the family closer together.

I can afford the roof over my head, and I have the means to feed myself and pay for little luxuries.

I’m blessed with three wonderful kitties who keep me on my toes everyday.

I am fortunate and I will always be grateful for my blessings.