In dreams he came.
What a disaster the other night turned out to be! Ozzie showed up at the party and though I like to think I handled the situation well, I still felt awkward and flustered. However, keep in mind that this is merely my own personal impression of the incident. It could very easily be told entirely differently from someone else’s perspective.
He was behaving very strangely. I do not know if it was due to the alcohol. Unfortunately, I was also a tad inebriated, which of course did not aid anything. Perhaps we are both trying desperately too hard to simply be friends. We somehow managed to strike up a conversation, but throughout it he hugged me every time I said something remotely funny. Or cute. I did not realize it until the conversation was nearly over, but we were somehow slowly and imperceptibly moving away from the party. In retrospect, it seems now that whenever he hugged me, he pushed me toward the neighbor’s front yard. The conversation was also bizarre. We talked of many things, but certain words remain stuck in my head. He mentioned that he was making more money now, and that if I had waited just a while longer, we would have been able to move out soon. This was said jokingly, but as often happened throughout the conversation, there was an undercurrent of sincerity in what he spoke. What signaled the end of our chat was when he started saying that he and I still have a connection. He said that I shouldn’t be dating someone else if there was still something between us. I grew very uncomfortable after that. I tried to excuse myself but he hugged me again. David had been watching the entire time, just in case, and when he noticed that I couldn’t get away, he came to my “rescue.” Ozzie shook his hand and then proceeded to give him a thinly veiled threat, stating that if he (David) hurts me in any way, he (Ozzie) will promptly kick his ass.
I do not enjoy this sort of drama in any way. I would much rather avoid it all. In hindsight, it seems as if Oz had been trying to steer the conversation in a certain direction, and though I was not exactly sober, I was amazingly adept at changing the subject. But when it became too difficult for me to avoid the subject, I immediately wanted to leave. Perhaps I am making too much of everything. I agree that Oz and I still have some sort of “connection,” but we have always had something. However, I do not want to rekindle a romantic relationship with him any time in the near future, and now I sincerely doubt I might ever want to do so.
Ridiculously lucky, I have been. I am very happy with how my life is proceeding. It just feels so full.This semester looks like it is going to be filled with fun times, especially with the newspaper. My friends are awesome. Whenever I am with them, I am inundated with feelings of love and camaraderie. And David is simply sweet and wonderful. Having him around just seems to complete everything. He is very adventurous and spontaneous, which pushes my boundaries. My life is expanding in leaps and bounds on all levels, and I am loving every second of it.
I am smiling as I type all of this. It is rare for me to gush about myself in any shape or form, but I truly feel blessed right now.
And while I am aware that there are things I need to work on, I am filled with this sense of purpose and certainty that everything is manageable.