Sometimes when I realize how much I have grown over the years, I become afraid. I occasionally fear that I am growing or changing so quickly that I will soon be unable to recognize myself.
It is easier to remain stagnant and uncompromising, though change is inevitable.
For a couple of years it felt like I remained the same, moving day-to-day through my established routines without really pausing to reflect on the how or why. I do not mind change; I embrace it, especially if it causes me to more closely resemble the type of person I wish to be.
It is the change that comes without my awareness that makes me wary. I do not understand why this troubles me so. I have always been a rather introspective individual; I typically know why I feel a certain way, or I am fully aware of my motives. Emotions flow easily and logically, and I no longer feel the dizzying highs or suffocating lows as I once did.
The trend has thus far been that as I grow in age and knowledge, so do I grow in awareness of myself. I can differentiate between my needs and my desires. My priorities are clear.
My mind jumps often.
Today was my first day of work. It was more of an orientation, filling out paperwork and becoming familiar with the store’s policies and its physical makeup. At this point it almost seems too perfect for me.
The people seem awesome. They like to read. What more can a person such as myself ask for?
And we get free coffee and tea all the time. Aaauughh. All that caffeine is going to severely mess with my system, but I look forward to it with great zeal.
We had to draw on our folders. I drew a cube, a dino-mitten (or mittenosaur) and a star of Bethlehem. Cubes are my favorite things to doodle. The dino-mitten or mittenosaur is something my roommate Caroline came up with once during class. Essentially it is just a mitten with the body of a dinosaur, or a dinosaur with a mitten for its head. She enjoyed taking ordinary objects and giving them life, so to speak. Her antics thoroughly amused me. And as for the star, I cannot really say what possessed me to draw it.