Damn. That. Dollar.


Joy! I discovered this nifty little gadget that allows me to post straight from my iGoogle homepage. It’s ridiculous how much of my life Google frames and controls, yet I still don’t mind.
I’m in a rather unpleasant mood today. I rolled out of bed just fine, but over the course of the day my spirit just sank. I keep worrying about my financial situation. I’m tired of asking my parents for help because I know they don’t have much to give, and I’d feel worthless if David had to bail me out again. Yes, again. He and his mother have helped me so much for various things, including my Ireland trip. I will always be indebted to them.

I researched graduate programs for library science and other possibilities. There are only three ALA-accredited library science programs in California. One at San Jose State, and the others in the LA area. UCLA would be a possibility if I wanted to move back home.

But I don’t. I can’t imagine living with my dad again, even though I love him and he never once enforced any limitations on me. I’ve been living on my own for two years now; it would feel like a step backward to go home, even if it seems to be the most logical solution.

Ideally, I would move east for graduate school. I left Carson for Boston right after high school, and a part of me still regrets not staying there. But eh, so it goes. I like to think I have another shot at the East Coast with grad. school, but that is unrealistic. The cost of moving and out-of-state fees would drive me crazy.

Instinct would have me crawl under the covers with “The Idiot” by Dostoevsky as soon as I get home, but my coworker wants me grab some drinks with her during happy hour at Roe. A belated birthday celebration. I could probably use the drink, but eh. I was never one to amplify or drown my emotions with outside influences.

But I’ll likely go, if only for the free appetizers. Then I can crawl under the covers.


One thought on “Damn. That. Dollar.

  1. I am sorry about the money probs. I go through that a lot. It sucks cuz the anxiety of daily survival takes away concentration from school & other things I'd rather think about. I try not to talk about it too much because I fear the Gods will get blood thirsty, & give me more financial obstacles. I hope things get better for you (and me!). -Christine

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