I’m still floating from the weekend’s events. I attended this:

Phew. I walked among giants this weekend. So many brilliant Filipinos. I’m so happy.

I feel like I’m literally glowing right now. Malaka Gharib expressed it best.

we are still sadly fighting for those things. and thats ok bc we are doing it together.

so yeah. it was an amazing weekend. I won't forget it. i am actually **physically** swelling with pride.

it's a privilege to be filipino. shout it from the rooftops. we out here

— Malaka Gharib (@MalakaGharib) October 14, 2019

I, too, am swelling with pride.

I can’t begin to describe the warm sense of community, of family, that I felt this weekend. Growing up, I always felt other. I didn’t fit comfortably into any of my “obvious” identities: as a Filipina, as a girl, as a daughter, etc.

Finally though, I feel like I’m growing into who I am. Not necessarily who I wanted to be, or who I’m supposed to be, but just me. (I’m puzzling over whether that makes sense.

But now it’s behind me so I won’t worry about it.)

This weekend, I was surrounded by Filipinos. Brilliant, brave, imaginative, innovative, romantic, warm Filipinos.

The Filipino diaspora feels like one giant family.

I’m all muddled and happy.

I’ll have to finish later.

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It’s later! There is something wonderful about being in a space where I don’t have to explain myself. A place where I don’t have to question whether I belong, or worry about fitting in.

Such negative thoughts fleetingly snaked through my brain, but the people I met stamped them down just by being so welcoming.

Imposter syndrome is so real though. Did I really deserve to be hanging out with so many bright, caring people? What was I actually bringing to the mix?

But again, it was all in my own head. I did belong there. Not just because I’m a librarian with the San Francisco Public Library, but because I’m Filipina, love good literature, and appreciate my culture.

Here are a few photos from the weekend’s events:

I was finally able to meet Malaka Gharib in person, writer/illustrator of “I Was Their American Dream.” She is such a sweetheart.

I also met or re-met a number of other writers, all of them very affable and just as excited to be there as I was.

I had a lovely breakfast with Grace Talusan, author of the memoir, “The Body Papers.” She was instrumental in getting me through my DC conference trip this past June, when I was feeling so low and was plagued by suicidal ideation. She was virtually a stranger when I approached her in tears, yet she sat and talked with me for hours until I felt more stable. I like to think I made a friend for life.

During his keynote, Jose Antonio Vargas remarked that out of the 1,800+ events he’s done, this was the first that was strictly Filipino. It was an honor to have him as our keynote speaker, and I always inwardly fangirl whenever I get a chance to talk to him. (And he now follows me on Twitter!)

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Here is a full list of who attended as speakers or moderators.

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I will try my hardest to carry with me the energy and compassion I felt during the last two days.