This lack of sleep is bizarre.

I was bone-tired only a few hours ago, and now I’m wide awake again.

Meh.

I hate it when people use “lol.” For some reason it irritates me. The same way that the constant use of an ellipsis aggravates me.

Good and evil are inherent in humanity, but entirely subjective. I was asked a few hours ago if I thought people were inherently bad.

Inherent: adj;, involved in the constitution or essential character of something : belonging by nature or habit; intrinsic

I rescind my previous blog. My mind was frazzled because I was so tired.

I prefer to believe that people are born with mostly blank slates. There are certain preconditions that we all seem to possess, of course, such as the propensity for language or pleasure. Our earliest feelings or ideas of good and bad are derived from this basic knowledge of pleasure. Things that feel good are good, and vice versa. Whether a person is good or evil is contingent upon her upbringing and the stigmas and stipulations that society places on particular activities. We may have a cursory grasp of good and evil when we are born, but that understanding deepens and develops more thoroughly as we experience more of Life.

But what makes it possible for some people to commit horrid acts seemingly out of the blue? Our society attempts to explain such atrocities by searching for abuse in the past; we try to pinpoint a moment when Life went awry for the suspect. And granted, many times such validation is confirmed. There is a logical explanation for most occurrences. However, it seems to me that there is also a small number of individuals who do terrible things to others without previous prompting. Are these people inherently evil?

My friend Justin is a good person, despite what he thinks of himself. I have found that the majority of people I know and call dear do not really see themselves as good people. I would not call them “dear” without just cause. Without fail, I know Uy is a good friend. He would not let his friends down, nor would he stab them in their backs. He does not consciously seek out to hurt any one or any thing. In fact, I consider him to be one of the nicest people I know. Perhaps even a little too, sometimes. Donna, as well. She is way too nice for her own good. I try my best to let them know that as far as friendships go, theirs are unparalleled. I hope I have been doing an OK job of it.

Now, as for myself, I do not believe I am a good person. I cannot recall which story this is from exactly; Batman once said he believed he was inherently evil, but always tries to do good. It is the internal war he wages every night in addition to battling the loonies and degenerates of Gotham. I feel much the same way about myself, corny as it may be. And I only write this because I know the things that run through my mind; oftentimes they are not pretty. Sometimes I must fight very hard not to follow my unsavory instincts. Every day I try to do a little good. I have not yet felt that I have done a satisfactory job, and I doubt I ever will feel fulfilled in this matter. But in the very least I try. I try to be a good person. I try to be a good daughter and sister. Above all I would like to think I try to be a good friend to everyone around me.

I would like.

Unfortunately, I usually feel like I fail miserably, despite testimonies to the contrary. Nothing I ever do will probably persuade me otherwise, in that regard.

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I am not yet tired but I am going to attempt to sleep again.

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