Nostalgia hits like a brick wrapped in a soggy towel.
And it causes me to do more than just flinch.
Some of the moments that have left indelible impressions on my mind were those instances of great feeling in my short life, whether it was joy, pain or sorrow. Though I remember best those times when I realized how much someone loves me, or when I realized how much I care for them in return. These are the memories I hold close to my heart, that I evoke when I’m feeling particularly low. I’ve said goodbye to all the bad times, and I’ve gained my peace from most of them.
“Throwing” myself into my studies here reminds me of my initial days in Boston. It was cold there too, but I was thousands of miles away from any familiar friendly faces, so the weather felt peculiarly biting. While here the wind on occasion resembles the cooing of doves, there were times on the East Coast when it howled like the maddened hounds of Hell. Although the city was beautiful and exhilarating with its storied past and gorgeous architecture, it mostly felt bleak and tired. Granted, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind four years ago.
I remained in the South Bay for another three years before finally making the decision to move once again for school. And now I find myself in a somewhat similar situation, albeit strikingly improved.
But I also find myself missing my friends down there with a growing tenacity unlike what I experienced after high school. It isn’t that I’m already homesick; goodness, no. The Los Angeles area is great, especially for an adventurous kid with a ton of friends to keep her company, but it can’t contain a person like me for very long. I have lofty goals and occasionally a ridiculous amount of ambition. I want to travel all roads, high and low, rough and smooth.
But it’s not fun traveling alone.
For some reason I felt compelled to look backward this evening. I started reading the comments people left me on Facebook and Myspace when I first moved to Boston. I couldn’t help but crack a smile. Similar comments were left on both of those social networks when I made the move to San Francisco about two weeks ago.
This is the truth of it as I see it: I am nothing without the people I adore. I wish I could drag all of them with me on my adventures because within the last year I learned to appreciate them in a way that I didn’t think was possible for me. And I realized how strongly they care for me as well.
It’s wonderful to be loved, and to love others in return.
I also know, however, that sometimes the only way to grow and achieve one’s full potential is to break away from the familiar and battle it out in the unknown. Instead of allowing my “homesickness” to restrain me, I’m going to let it buoy me toward new possibilities because I’m fully aware of all the support I have, that I’ve actually always had.
So I want to say thanks for all the good times, past, present and future. Thank you for all of your support and love. I would have turned out an entirely different person without the wise words and hard knocks from some of you. The last few years would have been impossible without having you in my life.